Antara cinta dan keinginan untuk memiliki

It's almost 2am. Can't sleep. Been lying there on the bed... and my mind is still active at this hour.. thinking.. thinking of things that are not certain.. things that the future may or may not be in store for me.. for us. I always wonder why i couldn't be like ordinary people. To stop thinking far ahead and accept each day as it comes. Why must i look ahead of something that i can't foresee or predict. A friend told me that the problem with me is I have high hopes and expectations, hence, when it didn't turn out the way it should be or the way i wanted it to be, I'd be demoralised, I'd be frustrated and it hurts. That friend told me that I should just let the future comes naturally, don't predict, don't make assumptions. i should just cherish this moments, be happy now, enjoy the time i have now and let the future takes it's own cause.

Oh yeap.. it's easy said than done..

Hmm.. I have no idea why such an entry at this hour. Probably i am still shocked to hear about my close friend's marriage. Being a super sensitive person, I cried. I'm just so sad for her and the guy. But again, could you continue with the marriage if there is no love anymore?

Or, what if a guy marries you not because of love but instead because of commitments. And you know deep inside him, there's another woman whom he loves but due to certain circumstances he cant have her. Can you live knowing that there's another woman in his heart while you are out here trying to make him happy? Can he actually be happy? Are you happy knowing that you are not the one in his heart? Can the marriage last? There are just so many questions that have no answers to it.

Choosing the right path is never easy. It's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our own way to something better. Sometimes we fight through the regrets and remorse of our mistakes. Our malice and our jealousy and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better. Or when something better finds its way to us.

Gosh, my thoughts for this entry is so scattered. I just needed to write what i feel and what ever that come across my mind at this hour.

To have this kind of thoughts at this hour, make me to think further. utk apakah kita bercinta? and i asked myself..adakah aku betul2 fhm apa yg dikatakan dgn cinta itu atau sekadar berkeinginan utk memiliki sesuatu yg aku cintai?

Doaku..

YA Allah seandainya dia diciptakan menjadi milikku, baik untuk ku duniaku dan akhiratku maka satukanlah kami dalam ikatan pernikahan

Tetapi ya Allah... seandainya dia bukan miliku, tidak baik utkku duniaku dan akhiratku maka pisahkan kami dan hubungkanlah kami sebagai persaudaraan islam....

Amin...