He is coming to town!!!

Anyone wanna go??? Looking for kaki to go watch him LIVEEEEE!

The call AGAIN!

Another call from you know who just a while ago.

Sigh.. again.. ajak keluar.. no no.. not mid valley no more. He called to ask me out for a dinner at this restaurant.. once.. and i repeat once used to be our favourite eating place. And again.. I said no. No doubt i really miss the restaurant. No.. not because of the memories with him but bcos they have this yummy special prawn dish that i love sooooo much. I can hear his dissapoinment from the way he breathe at the other side. I'm not sorry for saying "no" everytime he calls and asked me out. Come to think about it, he has been calling quite frequent lately though the calls only lasted for no more than 5 mins. I ought to save his office number so next time i know i should have not picked up the calls.

Honestly, deep down inside, i no longer have the feeling of wanting to see him anymore. Takde perasaan pun. He is just simply my past and nothing more than that now. I've started to move forward thus i will never stop and look back. Most of the time, kita tak nampak hikmah yang ada di atas semua yang terjadi pada masa tu. I used to be so sad that kadang2 termenyalahkan takdir di atas apa yg terjadi. Rendah sungguh iman pada waktu tu.

Now, when i looked back, i am thankful for what had happened. I used to read this one particular poem and have always planted it on my mind. There is this one particular sentence in the poem that i always live in denial - "when someone is not worth it now, he is not going to be worth it in the future". When i was with him, i have my close friends and sisters who kept on telling me that he is not worth it and he was using me, etc. Painful huh? And i was always denying the comments with words to defend him and i have always hoped that miracle would happened and that all the comments were wrong. But miracle didnt happened and i ended up eating my own words.

To him - i'm not sure if he reads my blog cos he used to know that i have this place in the cyberworld to speak for my heart - if in anyway, you are reading this, go on with your life. Find another girl and treat her right. Just so you know, it is not my intention to take revenge on you.
Yes, i can still remember all those fights we had and all the mean words you said to me previously but i am not mean enough to take revenge. If u are suffering, u suffer from your own actions and stupidity. It's not me who break your heart. You broke your own heart with the things you did. If i was such a bad person when i was with u, take a look at yourself. At least i was never unfaithful when i was with u... but u? u did get urself involved with another girl even though you said you were only friend to her. Remember I used to tell you, i can try to tolerate anything. All those attitudes of yours. But when it comes to another girl, I do not need to hear any explanation. I did what i did and dont bother explaining to me anything cos it doesnt matter anymore. Before and now. So my advise to you, get a grip. I know i have. You dont need me to shine a light or guide you. You have a mind of your own, so use it.

Owh well, enuf said for now. Suddenly i have the urge to express myself at this hour when i should be going to the GYM! Sigh... it's 7.45pm... i'm gonna pack my things now. Go down the elevator slowly while deciding of gyming or not.. sigh......

The call

I received a phone call after work today. Just before i was about to go to the gym. It was a fixed line number so I didn't know who it was right until i heard the voice of the caller.

Caller: Awak..

Me: Yup.. hm, napa kol?

Caller: Saja jer. Cuti panjang buat apa?

Me: Jalan.

Caller: Gi mana?

Me: JB

Caller: Tak ajak pun. Gi ngan sapa?

Me: Kawan

Caller: Saya kenal?

Me: Nope. Nak apa kol ni?

Caller: Jom gi mid valley

Me: Malas

Caller: Kenapa malas?

Me: Nak gi gym

Caller: Jom la, saya nak cari barang. Teman saya.

Me: Malas la. Ok la. Nak letak.

Caller: Jap2, kenapa sombong sangat?

Me: Kenapa call lagi?

Caller: Awak dah jumpa org lain?

Me: Awak rasa?

Caller: Tak tahu

Me: Tak payah amek tau pasal saya dah. Kita dah pergi separate ways kan?

Caller: Sigh... so betul x nak teman saya gi Mid Valley mlm ni?

Me: Nope

Caller: Takpe la, next time la.

Me: Bye

Caller: Bye


So that was how the 5 mins conversation started and ended. Please la, the caller knows well aware that i wouldn't want to go out or even see him anymore. I just don't understand which part of "NO" doesn't he understand. Wish i could tell him right onto his face that i'm with someone now. Tapi x sampai hati regardless all the shit he did previously. Hm, biar la.. it's none of his business to know anything about me anymore. Furthermore, I would not want to break the boyfriend's heart if he knows i go out with my ex. I would be upset myself if the boyfriend still sees his exes even though there's nothing going on anymore... hmm... sigh!

Lucky

Lucky - Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat


Do you hear me?
Talking to you
Across the water
Across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky
Oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
Lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ohhhohhhohhhohhohhohhhohh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you, I promise you I will

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty, you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ohhhohhhohhhohhohhohhhohh
Ohhhohhhohhhohhohhohhhohhohhohhohh

It's officially ours

I have started missing u...


Malam ini kasih, teringat aku padamu
Seakan kau hadir, disisi menemaniku
Ku yakinkan diri ini, agar tiada sepi
Kulewatkan hadir didalam mimpiku

Seandainya mungkin, ku mampu terbang ke awan
Detik ini juga ku akan melayang ke sana
Kan ku bawa pulang dirimu yang selalu ku sayang
Bersama berdua kita bahagia

c/o
Kasih.. dengarlah, hati ku berkata
Aku cinta kepada diri mu sayang
Kasih.. pecayalah kepada diriku
Hidup mati ku hanya untukmu

Malam ini kasih
Teringat aku kepadamu
Seakan kau hadir disisi menemaniku
Ku yakinkan diri ini agar tiada sepi
Lulewatkan hari didalam mimpiku

Seandainya mungkin, ku mampu terbang ke awan
Detik ini juga ku akan melayang ke sana
Kan ku bawa pulang diri mu yang selalu ku sayang
Bersama berdua kita bahagia

Kasih.. dengarlah, hati ku berkata
Aku cinta kepada diri mu sayang
Kasih.. pecayalah kepada diriku
Hidup mati ku hanya untukmu

Song "Kasih", by Hetty Koes Endang

Big time sux!

My sore throat is killing me!!!!

S.O.S

I seriously need to get out of town and take a break before my no-life-months begin... why is it so hard to choose a place.... : (

This is heaven to no one else but me

Thank you, baby

Ayat ayat cinta

Desir pasir di padang tandus
Segersang pemikiran hati
Terkisah ku di antara
Cinta yang rumit

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekedar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung Kupertaruhkan

*
Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu

Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus kutinggalkan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud

Song "Ayat ayat cinta", by Rossa

Bila Rasaku Ini Rasamu

Aku Memang Terlanjur Mencintaimu
Dan Tak Pernah Ku Sesali Itu
Seluruh Jiwa Telah Ku Serahkan
Menggenggam Janji Setiaku

Ku mohon Jangan Jadikan Semua Ini
Alasan Kau Menyakitiku
Meskipun Cintamu Tak Hanya Untukku
Tapi Cobalah Sejenak Mengerti

*
Bila Rasaku Ini Rasamu
Sanggupkah Engkau Menahan Sakitnya
Terkhianati Cinta Yang Kau Jaga
Coba Bayangkan Kembali
Betapa Hancurnya Hati Ini Kasih
Semua Telah Terjadi

Aku Memang Terlanjur Mencintaimu


Song "Bila Rasaku Ini Rasamu", by Kerispatih

Looking back into the year 2008

It took me a while to sit and think of what had happened in the year 2008. Despite of all the ups and downs, 2008 had surprisingly been a good year for me. Despite of all challenges in life that i had to face, 2008 had indeed make me grow matured and stronger and wiser for that matter.

Life was great the first half of 2008. I went through the days with nothing much on my mind except with the hopes that the year will be more promising than the years before.

Pressure started to show itself when I found that my work life was sux thus explained all the unnecessary leaves that I took . At one point, I was so depressed and demotivated that I had to dragged my feet to the office every single day. What kept me going was only the pay that I received end of the month. I went through the compliance cycle with all the strength I have. I did what I had to do as an employee during the cycle. Things were harder with the massive changes in my portfolio when I had to take up a new big engagement which I have never dealt with before. It was even stressful when I had to work with people who you just have to constantly follow their mood swing. Despite of the tough cycle, I managed to get it over with with a great feeling and satisfaction. Subsequent to that, work was ok though I still seriously hunting for other jobs. Until now.

Family. I tried to be a good daughter and sister and tried to play my part well. To my surprise, I cannot be good at both at the same time. To my surprise, I can feel that I am a good sister but not a good daughter. I hate myself for not being a good daughter. I do not want to be a role model to my younger sisters for behaving like i did. Slowly, I tried to follow my parents' pace but it is just too difficult. I was being rebellious at times. Of course there were reasons to it and I didn't behave like that on purpose. At times, I just wished they would understand me better.

As far as sisters are concerned, I have no issues with my younger sisters. We are close and we do share lots of things. It is only with my elder sister that the string is a little bit tense. And that was normally the cause of me arguing with my parents. As a result, I decided to place a gap between my elder sister and I. But like a saying goes, " air dicincang tak akan putus", thus no matter how many and how bad the relationship was with my elder sister, we would still go out together doing things.

2008, I lost the relationship that I had tried so much to keep. I've put in so much effort into it. It was frustrating to see that the relationship was falling apart. When a relationship has involved mean words, swearing and hitting each other, what is there left for me to look for. I loosen the string with a heavy heart, all the hopes that I had for the relationship suddenly stop. After years of letting him treated me the way that he did, it eventually came to my conscience that he is not the one. After so much thoughts, I walked away. I walked away and I never think and look back on the relationship anymore. What does not kill you makes you stronger. Despite of all the sadness, frustration and feeling betrayed, i stand up and move on. To my surprise, I've actually started to move on even before I walked away. Thus explained why I decided to make that decision.

We don't always find the love we carry inside us, but love is fair, it gives me another chance. An occasion brought me closer to someone I had known during the years I was a student. In my heart, I just hope and pray for the best and that there is something in store for us in the future.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S - I love them to bits. People who share not only my happiness but also my problems and craps. People who know the real me. Alhamdulillah, having my good friends around makes life more wonderful and meaningful. They add spices to my life with their supports, laughters, stupid jokes, love and thousands more things. To my good friends (inside & outside of EY), and you know who are, thanks ever so much for the friendship.

It is embarrasing to admit that my relationship with Allah S.W.T in 2008 was far below my imagination. Teramat memalukan. If there were chargebility percentage to measure, I would say that mine was super bad. I will ensure that this improves in the coming years. InsyaAllah.

Finally, I hope that 2009 bring new changes, new beginnings and new discoveries for me. And that I am a better person to myself, people around me and as a khalifah di bumi Allah S.W.T. And I also wish that 2009 will be somewhat a more meaningful year for me. InsyaAllah.

What is happiness to you, Naz?

I remembered I was posed with this question before. Right after I graduated and only started working. My answer was, I want to get a good job, have lots and lots of money, shoppings, have fun, buy a car, buy a house. And now, after four years of finding my happiness and I have a good job, I have money (though not as much as i would imagine.. hehe), I can shop for fun, I have a car, I have a condo in the making, what's next?

Perhaps this would be next.. this would be part of my happiness...

***

While missing my creamy..

I was concentrating with my work at the office one afternoon while missing my creamy when suddenly there's a "new mail" window pops up. It was from a friend whom I haven't seen for a while. Started with the first email, we soon were chatting and replying each other via emails.. i guess we were so excited that we forgot the use of ym or sms for that matter... sigh!

Her email:
uittss.. babe.. pe citer now? happy semacammm.. lame x update.. ceppaaattt update..

My reply:
hahahhahaa.. mesti la happy x kan nak sedeh2 lak bila benda best happens.... tapi mana u tau i happy ni?? serkap eh?? ala x best la citer camni... nanti la i jumpa u one of these days eh... hahhahahha...

Her reply:
i yg jadi 'can't hardly wait'... si jay la niehh.. hubby i mmg pantas gossip dr i.. hahahhaha.. nway, i nk say congrats dulu.. ;p but i do want d detailssssssssssss... senyap2 eyhhhh.. chet! Anyone i know ker?

My reply:
ye la.. kena la senyap2.. takut terkandas lagi.. huhuhu... anyone u know? hmm... ntah la.. maybe.. hehehe..
but so far so good. maybe bcos we dah kenal lama kot.. so skrg just nak develop feelings and get to know more about each other. kelakar gak, tetiba perasaan tu dtg.. x pnh2 terpk akan exclusive dgn dia. and i am happy babe. u doa2 kan la i ek.

Her reply:
am so happy for u.. of course i will doakan kebahagiaan u. I juz want 2 c u happy n u deserved it. Who ever that person is (soon 2 find out...), do take care of urself n may Allah blessed d new relationship. take care darling ;p


By the time i wanted to reply her last reply, it was already 5.25pm.. hehehe.. xpe la.. i need to pack my stuffs.. time to go back.. i'm sure she would understand. But i was still missing my creamy at that time.....sigh.....

Something to look forward to in Feb 09

Rhianna live in KL - 13 February 2009

PGL The Musical Season 3 : 6 - 21 February 2009

YAY!! I've finally got the tickets for both. PGL was so hard to get. The ticket price that i wanted are fully booked for all nights. Last2 dpt gak on the 2oth night. So looking forward it.. especially cos I'm gonna go with my creamy..hehe..

As for Rhianna's concert, the girls n i are so excited that we bought the RM198 ticket just to be jumping up and down right in front of the stage. Best nya.. ;p