“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."


This is a personal blog about a woman - as a daughter, a wife, a career woman, a homemaker, a mommy - and her thoughts and feelings through out her personal/work lives, as a citizen of her beloved country, her previous journey to motherhood and her journey as a mommy. This blog has no intention to offend or to have an influence on anyone. Read at your cost. Erti kata lain, if x suka, u r welcome to click the "X" on the top right hand corner. Erti kata lain lagi, tak payah ler baca...

Sunday, 11 January 2009

Looking back into the year 2008

It took me a while to sit and think of what had happened in the year 2008. Despite of all the ups and downs, 2008 had surprisingly been a good year for me. Despite of all challenges in life that i had to face, 2008 had indeed make me grow matured and stronger and wiser for that matter.

Life was great the first half of 2008. I went through the days with nothing much on my mind except with the hopes that the year will be more promising than the years before.

Pressure started to show itself when I found that my work life was sux thus explained all the unnecessary leaves that I took . At one point, I was so depressed and demotivated that I had to dragged my feet to the office every single day. What kept me going was only the pay that I received end of the month. I went through the compliance cycle with all the strength I have. I did what I had to do as an employee during the cycle. Things were harder with the massive changes in my portfolio when I had to take up a new big engagement which I have never dealt with before. It was even stressful when I had to work with people who you just have to constantly follow their mood swing. Despite of the tough cycle, I managed to get it over with with a great feeling and satisfaction. Subsequent to that, work was ok though I still seriously hunting for other jobs. Until now.

Family. I tried to be a good daughter and sister and tried to play my part well. To my surprise, I cannot be good at both at the same time. To my surprise, I can feel that I am a good sister but not a good daughter. I hate myself for not being a good daughter. I do not want to be a role model to my younger sisters for behaving like i did. Slowly, I tried to follow my parents' pace but it is just too difficult. I was being rebellious at times. Of course there were reasons to it and I didn't behave like that on purpose. At times, I just wished they would understand me better.

As far as sisters are concerned, I have no issues with my younger sisters. We are close and we do share lots of things. It is only with my elder sister that the string is a little bit tense. And that was normally the cause of me arguing with my parents. As a result, I decided to place a gap between my elder sister and I. But like a saying goes, " air dicincang tak akan putus", thus no matter how many and how bad the relationship was with my elder sister, we would still go out together doing things.

2008, I lost the relationship that I had tried so much to keep. I've put in so much effort into it. It was frustrating to see that the relationship was falling apart. When a relationship has involved mean words, swearing and hitting each other, what is there left for me to look for. I loosen the string with a heavy heart, all the hopes that I had for the relationship suddenly stop. After years of letting him treated me the way that he did, it eventually came to my conscience that he is not the one. After so much thoughts, I walked away. I walked away and I never think and look back on the relationship anymore. What does not kill you makes you stronger. Despite of all the sadness, frustration and feeling betrayed, i stand up and move on. To my surprise, I've actually started to move on even before I walked away. Thus explained why I decided to make that decision.

We don't always find the love we carry inside us, but love is fair, it gives me another chance. An occasion brought me closer to someone I had known during the years I was a student. In my heart, I just hope and pray for the best and that there is something in store for us in the future.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S - I love them to bits. People who share not only my happiness but also my problems and craps. People who know the real me. Alhamdulillah, having my good friends around makes life more wonderful and meaningful. They add spices to my life with their supports, laughters, stupid jokes, love and thousands more things. To my good friends (inside & outside of EY), and you know who are, thanks ever so much for the friendship.

It is embarrasing to admit that my relationship with Allah S.W.T in 2008 was far below my imagination. Teramat memalukan. If there were chargebility percentage to measure, I would say that mine was super bad. I will ensure that this improves in the coming years. InsyaAllah.

Finally, I hope that 2009 bring new changes, new beginnings and new discoveries for me. And that I am a better person to myself, people around me and as a khalifah di bumi Allah S.W.T. And I also wish that 2009 will be somewhat a more meaningful year for me. InsyaAllah.