“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."


This is a personal blog about a woman - as a daughter, a wife, a career woman, a homemaker, a mommy - and her thoughts and feelings through out her personal/work lives, as a citizen of her beloved country, her previous journey to motherhood and her journey as a mommy. This blog has no intention to offend or to have an influence on anyone. Read at your cost. Erti kata lain, if x suka, u r welcome to click the "X" on the top right hand corner. Erti kata lain lagi, tak payah ler baca...

Friday, 30 January 2009

The call AGAIN!

Another call from you know who just a while ago.

Sigh.. again.. ajak keluar.. no no.. not mid valley no more. He called to ask me out for a dinner at this restaurant.. once.. and i repeat once used to be our favourite eating place. And again.. I said no. No doubt i really miss the restaurant. No.. not because of the memories with him but bcos they have this yummy special prawn dish that i love sooooo much. I can hear his dissapoinment from the way he breathe at the other side. I'm not sorry for saying "no" everytime he calls and asked me out. Come to think about it, he has been calling quite frequent lately though the calls only lasted for no more than 5 mins. I ought to save his office number so next time i know i should have not picked up the calls.

Honestly, deep down inside, i no longer have the feeling of wanting to see him anymore. Takde perasaan pun. He is just simply my past and nothing more than that now. I've started to move forward thus i will never stop and look back. Most of the time, kita tak nampak hikmah yang ada di atas semua yang terjadi pada masa tu. I used to be so sad that kadang2 termenyalahkan takdir di atas apa yg terjadi. Rendah sungguh iman pada waktu tu.

Now, when i looked back, i am thankful for what had happened. I used to read this one particular poem and have always planted it on my mind. There is this one particular sentence in the poem that i always live in denial - "when someone is not worth it now, he is not going to be worth it in the future". When i was with him, i have my close friends and sisters who kept on telling me that he is not worth it and he was using me, etc. Painful huh? And i was always denying the comments with words to defend him and i have always hoped that miracle would happened and that all the comments were wrong. But miracle didnt happened and i ended up eating my own words.

To him - i'm not sure if he reads my blog cos he used to know that i have this place in the cyberworld to speak for my heart - if in anyway, you are reading this, go on with your life. Find another girl and treat her right. Just so you know, it is not my intention to take revenge on you.
Yes, i can still remember all those fights we had and all the mean words you said to me previously but i am not mean enough to take revenge. If u are suffering, u suffer from your own actions and stupidity. It's not me who break your heart. You broke your own heart with the things you did. If i was such a bad person when i was with u, take a look at yourself. At least i was never unfaithful when i was with u... but u? u did get urself involved with another girl even though you said you were only friend to her. Remember I used to tell you, i can try to tolerate anything. All those attitudes of yours. But when it comes to another girl, I do not need to hear any explanation. I did what i did and dont bother explaining to me anything cos it doesnt matter anymore. Before and now. So my advise to you, get a grip. I know i have. You dont need me to shine a light or guide you. You have a mind of your own, so use it.

Owh well, enuf said for now. Suddenly i have the urge to express myself at this hour when i should be going to the GYM! Sigh... it's 7.45pm... i'm gonna pack my things now. Go down the elevator slowly while deciding of gyming or not.. sigh......

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