Apart from my sister, I have no one to talk to at this point of time... talk to? or rather expressing my deepest sad feeling at the moment. Of cos there will be my colleague.. but she is not on gtalk now and I will only see her tomorrow which by then the feeling may have gone away.
I am so so so sad right now. And I can just cry like right now... well, i did a while ago while talking to my sister.. but i can still feel the tears that is about to pour down any moment now.
The parents asked me again tonight... for i have no idea how many times have they asked already. It just breaks my heart again tonight..
"Bila mak dengan ayah dia nak datang. Mama nak gi Padang ni, boleh la mama cari apa2 yang patut." asked mama..
And I just stay silent...
" Dia dah bgtahu mak dengan ayah dia ke?" she asked again
"Entah..." I just paused... and then continued... "Tak tahu la ma.. " and I paused again...
Seriously, I just don't know how to answer or what to answer. It is just so difficult.. i hate to be in this situation. Feel like running away so i can avoid their questions again and again and that i can avoid seeing their full of hopes faces. I am so sorry mama, ayah... i don't know... i don't have the answers myself.
My sister asked me if I have asked him. Yes I did... many times.. and dah sampai rasa macam malu pulak asyik tanya jer. And ended up I just got even more upset and i just kept quiet. I ended up pujuk'ing myself again and again. I guessed he would not understand how i feel. So I decided to stop asking and go with the flow.
I just hope I have faith all the way.. and that I don't lost hopes..
THROUGH HER THICK & THIN
“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
This is a personal blog about a woman - as a daughter, a wife, a career woman, a homemaker, a mommy - and her thoughts and feelings through out her personal/work lives, as a citizen of her beloved country, her previous journey to motherhood and her journey as a mommy. This blog has no intention to offend or to have an influence on anyone. Read at your cost. Erti kata lain, if x suka, u r welcome to click the "X" on the top right hand corner. Erti kata lain lagi, tak payah ler baca...