2012 - A chillax & miracle year!

It's the 4th day into the year 2013 but am still yet to write on my journey back in 2012.  Some moments and occasions need to be written down so that in years to come, boleh la baca balik and mesmerise those wonderful moments :)

The year 2012 started me off as a full time housewife.  I finally got a consent from dear hubby to take a break from work due to massive stress at work. Lol.  Well, it was supposed to be temporary actually thus the green light from him.  So i took few months to chill and relax.  There was no pressure from dear hubby for me to start work asap so  I took the liberty to enjoy doing "nothing".  Nothing as in brain-stress related work!  Cause i still have house chores and personal errands to run :)  Of course i enjoyed it very much to be a stay at home wife... oh i wish i can substitute that to "stay at home mother" but due to the fact that the only baby at home was fluffy so the term "stay at home wife" would be perfect  :)

So apart from doing some house chores (because the main ones were done by my weekend maid), ran errands, busy settling the rent of my condo in shah alam, I enjoyed the 1st half of 2012 going on holidays, followed hubby outstations, had lunches with friends during their lunch break and many more chill and relax occasions.  Came June I was busy helping my sister with her solemnisation ceremony.  Though I feel that I should already look for a job by now, I make sister's solemnisation as another excuse to find a job... konon nak lepas kan her nikah dulu!!

Of course, on a separate note, along the way, hubby and i have been trying to conceive very seriously.  From the 1st month i resigned, mmg semangat waja both of us working towards that.  Mengurut pun pergi, org recommend makan tu, kita makan.  Makan ni, kita makan.  All for the sake towards making our dreams come true.  Yelah, ikhtiar selagi boleh.  Lagipun, time waits for no man.  And our ages are catching up.  And the scariest thing is that fertility drops every year that we aged.  Tapi yelah, kalau buat apa sekali pun, if belum rezeki, maka belum lah.  He knows best.

Then Ramadhan was approaching, so I told hubby I might as well start looking for a job seriously since i dah start rasa bosan sbb too much time doing "nothing".  He nodded.  But luck was not on my side, went for interviews but takde rezeki.  So I entered Ramadhan still as a housewife.  But it was a blessed as this year, I get to really menghayati Ramadhan.  I went for Terawih prayer almost every night.  I even joined the Qiamulai Night. Alhamdulillah.  Something that i definitely would not have the energy to do if i was working.  well, knowing how my nature of work was.  A blessing in disguise indeed!

As the Ramadhan ended, well, a week before it ended, I noticed something strange.  My menses was late.  Well, I had all the cramps but yet nothing appeared down there.  So I waited.  But due to curiosity, i could wait no longer.  Konon nya nak tgk agak2 kalau menses come on Raya day, dah tak leh solat sunat Syawal la nampaknya.  So I did the Urine Pregnancy Test (UPT).  And to my surprised, 2nd line appeared slowly and within the blink of an eye, the line got darken.  At there it was, 2 lines on my UPT stick!  The moment that I have been waiting for.. finally, right in front of my eyes!

Ingat kan panas sampai ke petang, rupanya hujan di tengahari.  Right after Raya, at about 9 weeks pregnancy, I had my 1st scan.  My baby had no heartbeat.  Redha... itu je yang mampu dilakukan.  Allah swt pinjam kan selama 9 minggu before it was taken back.  Sedih mmg sedih, but looking at a bright side, mungkin janin ni tak sihat sbb tu it was taken back. One day Allah swt akan bagi yang lain, yang lebih sihat.  InshaAllah.  More detailed story on this, boleh baca kat sini, sini dan sini ye.    

After miscarriage, kehidupan dilalui seperti biasa.  Of course, i did my "pantang" betul2.  Makan ubat2 traditional, pergi berurut, pantang makan, pantang bersama, etc etc for 30+ days.  And I got my 1st menses just at the right time.  No delay delly.. alhamdulillah.

The last 2 months before the year ended, i started to hunt for job again.. actively! Ada la jugak yang panggil interview but still, belum ada rezeki lagi.  As TTC is concerned, hubby and I have discussed that we shall wait for a few months before TTC again.  Bagi betul2 sihat and fit then we'll all out again.  I'm alright with that.

Then come 1st Muharram.  15 November 2012.  5 days before hubby's birthday.  And the time for my 2nd menses cycle to appear.  Ye! tangan saya gatal kot.  Walaupun belum missed period lagi, saja2 pergi buat UPT.  Funny sbb it was heat at the moment.  Takde la rasa anythg pun, but saja gatal nak pee on the stick!  And the result was again... positive!  Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah... The rest of the entries on this boleh la baca kat sini kalau nak.

In December, nothing much happened.  I was hospitalised for 5 days for sugar stabilization. Prep for another big event in my family - my sister's wedding reception.  And the rest of the weeks till year end was quiet.

Last but not least, it is still quite embarrasing to admit that my relationship with Allah S.W.T in 2012 was still below my expectation. Teramat memalukan. After so much that He gave, I know ibadah yang dilakukan masih belum cukup.  Walaupun alhamdulillah dari segi solat, ada perubahan, tapi masih lagi tunggu hujung waktu baru nak solat. ish ish ish... InshaAllah, I will ensure that this improves in the coming years. Aminn..

As we have entered 2013, I hope that this year bring new opportinuties, new beginnings and new discoveries for me. And that I am a better person to myself, people around me and as a khalifah di bumi Allah S.W.T. And I also wish that 2013 will be somewhat a more meaningful year and a dream come true year for me and hubby. InsyaAllah.

xoxo,

Naz

p/s: Pls ignore ayat yang tunggang langgang and spelling yang salah. Cherrios!! :)